How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
