Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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