he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
