I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
