and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
