wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
