They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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