Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
