i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just pee around me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
