ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
