found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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