no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
