She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
