you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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