thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
