I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
