theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
