Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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