i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
try to milk me bitch
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