these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
