I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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