Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
