someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
