I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
