well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
