I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
