It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
