is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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