it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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