Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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