farters have to be the big spoon...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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