please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize