OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
