i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
