She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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