things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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