Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
