Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
