she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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