I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
