Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
