tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
