I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
worst night to have a conscience
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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