my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Randomize
