Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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