i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
