My Higher Power is John Stamos
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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