He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A+ Viking dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
