he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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