Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
