You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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