where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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