I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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