we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
