Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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