I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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