I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
