Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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