I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
