you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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