When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
