It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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