it hurts more in the daytime
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
