mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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