one two three fourrrrnication!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i've created a new STD.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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