6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
