If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
