wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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