I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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